Saturday, December 07, 2013

my great expectations vs the present

I hardly ever wake up grumpy. I mean opening my eyes and feeling grumpy. It only happens if I have a headache or had a nightmare (thus insanely tired). But, most mornings I wake up and just lie there slowly getting thoughts blurbed into my brain. In these precious moments I need to make a choice to stay present. In bed. Under my sheets. Not already on my bike on the way to work or at school, about all the stuff I have to do that I may or may not want to do and the patients I have to see, blablablu.  I can think about that when I am there... if only it were always that easy! 

I am a very imaginative person and I tend to really get hyped up and go into detail about how certain situations will pan out and somewhere along my self-entertaining-storytelling I get stuck. I get high expectations. Expectations that the others don't even know about (!), expectations that can hardly be met because I have created a fantasy. 
It's great to be excited about situations or events and being in anticipation, that's half of the fun (because of the expectations? or just because of the excitement? mhhm). However, I do feel that sometimes it does hinder me in coming into the situation with a clean slate. Open minded, open hearted, ready to respond to whatever is happening spontaneously
I have come to realise that I cannot foresee the future (Yes. I know. Maybe for the best though?) it doesn't matter how much I think about it beforehand and try to figure out how the situation will play out, it will be however it will be

Early on, in the hospital business, I learned that the staff talks about the patients, the good and the bad. When I was given patients I often heard words like 'oh, she is really nice, you will like her' or 'Mhm, watch out for him, he is a bit youknowwhat'. Thankfully, I also learned early on, that its good to be informed about the personality of the patients but not to take it so seriously. Everybody has different chemistry with me than with you. We are different people and I might like someone from the moment I see them and you might not. But if I go into the room ready to fight there proooobably won't be a chance for me to find out if we might actually hit it off.

It's an ongoing process, staying present and not fluttering away into the deep wide ocean of thoughts but I've been working on it for some time now. Here are some things that help me stay present and that I can focus on. Maybe it will help you come back to reality when you need to...

take a deep breath and focus on your senses

take time to sit and eat and look at the food and taste the food

listen to the person who is speaking and don't think about what you want to say

feel what you feel while you feel it while feeling it. (now the word feel looks really weird)

and most of all, be grateful for what you've got 

Life is too short to live in the past or the future. Enjoy what is right in front of you.
Have a wonderful weekend!

“Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so. One day I shall dig my nails into the earth, or bury my face in the pillow, or stretch myself taut, or raise my hands to the sky and want, more than all the world, your return.” 
Poem by Mary Jean Irion

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